Peter’s EZP Review
By: Peter Buggert | Last Reviewed: 10/12/19 Last Updated: 10/12/19
The product being reviewed is The EZP, Super Realistic Stand to Pee Packer* (Cut and Natural) by Transthetics. Currently it costs 195.00 USD and claims a 5/5 star average review with 280 reviews. The company is owned by trans men and there have been no complaints about customer service. I hate to go against the hype, but I can only give this product a 2/5 star rating personally.
Now, I bought my EZP back in 2018, but it does not seem like there has been a change to the product in quite a while, I mean with that many five star reviews it seems that change is rather unnecessary.
The EZP came in a bubble mailer which surprised me, but it’s not like someone is going to squeeze it and say “wow this vaguely feels dick shaped”, at least not with this particular packer, plus its really flexible so it’s not like it could be damaged. There was no information on the outside other than the mailing label, nothing that said “hey there’s a dick in here”. Inside the package there was an info sheet, the EZP, and a small black bag to put it in. The black bag barely fit the EZP inside and was obviously of terrible quality. The info sheet was a nice addition, most packers just assume you know how to use and care for one and let you figure it out.
My first reaction was to how realistic it was. I mean obviously the shape (see link above) is not giving it very much realism around the balls, but the shaft and head in particular were very realistic. However, much to my disappointment it did not take very long for the red paint to wear off completely, I mean like literally a matter of weeks. This isn’t unusual in packers at all because the material is not porous so any painting and coloring done after it has been cast has a hard time adhering to the surface.
Now the EZP advertises itself as a packer and STP, the STP part being what convinces most people to buy one. The first thing I did was go and try to pee with it. I had no problem doing it on the very first try. Many STPs have problems with leaking, but there was not a single drop spilled. Also, the reservoir is huge, many STPs require you to pee a little then stop to let it empty out otherwise you will overflow. As an experiment I put it under my sink faucet and slowly increase the flow to see how much it could take before overflowing and it was beyond what a human is capable of, I mean unless you pee like a horse you will be fine. When I wore briefs it was very easy to get the EZP out, hold it in a position that was natural, aim, and then do my business. Tilting it down a little and shaking seemed to get almost all of the pee out leaving only a few small drops, another great fact that most STPs cannot boast. Now you are probably thinking “wow this sounds great, why are you only giving it 2/5 stars” and that is not because of its STP function (for which it gets a 5/5) but because of its packer function.
The EZP advertises itself as a packer as well as an STP, however it doesn’t sit like normal packers. Normal packers sit in the underwear in the same position as a penis and balls normally would, this packer does its own thing. The cup stays down between your legs and the shaft has to “pack up” so that the head goes towards your belly button. The result leaves you with no bulge and an extremely weird looking shape in your underwear. Sometimes cis men do put their penis in a similar position in order to prevent awkward boners from showing, especially if they are rather well endowed, but the actual shaft part of the EZP is less than 3″ long, and it is constantly trying to return to its naturl straight out position making it look like you have a micropenis boner that is usually to far off the the right or left not to look totally bizarre. Now this is only a problem in underwear as pants hide any bulge completely.
I was a little disappointed, but the STP function is what mattered to me most and I wasn’t in my underwear in front of other people pretty much ever, so I put it in my underwear and went to live life with my new $200 penis. It was a nightmare. The EZP does not stay still at all. I tried buying smaller underwear and a few different positions but it just wants to wander around. I was terrified that it was going to fall out. There are no harnesses that will work with the EZP because of the way that it packs up. Some people say that it stays put much better if you wear a jock or briefs, but I refuse to wear either of those options because they remind me to much of women’s underwear.
I mean this thing was on the move, every step it would go from one side to the other, it constantly wanted to slip back to my butt making it look like a giant dick shaped turd. Like any packer it needed powdering or else it would get sticky, but since it ran all over the powder wore off extremely quick making it a sticky uncomfortable run away turd. I tried essentially everything I could besides changing to the underwear that was going to cause me dysphoria. Eventually I gave up.
I saved up for this thing for a long time, I mean $200 dollars is a lot to a broke college student. Because it technically falls into the same category as sex toys and underwear the company cannot take returns, so now this $200 piece of dick shaped silicone has sat uselessly in my underwear drawer for over a year, only to be taken out once by my roommate who decided to try and vape through it after it had been sanitized. It was both disgusting and hysterical if you were wondering.
As an STP the EZP is fantastic, I mean there is not a better one out there at this price range, but as a packer it gets a solid 0/5 from me. If I can’t pack with it as well as pee with it then it’s just a $200 GoGirl to me. In order for me to use it I would have to keep it in a pocket or bag and take it out and put it in my underwear every time I peed and that simply does not work for me. The reviews do not show many other people having the problems that I am having however, so this might just be a problem with my refusal to change pants and underwear and my particular anatomy. The company has begun selling “Budgie Boxer Briefs” which is underwear made specifically for packers that I am assuming was designed to work with the EZP, and I am tempted to give them a try as well. The overwhelming amount of positive review in my opinion means that whatever the issue I am having with this packer is uncommon, and despite my experience I would encourage trying it out.
If you have also tried the EZP or another Transthetics product please leave a comment below and tell me what you thought of the product or of your experience with the company.